Please tell me I’m not the only one this happens to?! I mean I feel like I do fan-fucking-tastic for a couple of weeks and then it just explodes in my face. I want to be normal. I don’t want to have these things just sneak up on me out of no where. I want to be happy. I want my kids to be able to babble along all day without wanting to pull my hair out.
I just feel like lately, with these mini anxiety attacks happening and the explosions from crazy land, it’s more than I can handle. And I know that if it’s overwhelming for me, it must be terrible for my husband who has to deal with all my bullshit since I have no one else.
Tonights epic crazy has just went from bad to worse. Firstly we got our kids new sippy’s that just snap on. So they also just snap off. Well I’m sick of Emmie taking the lid of and dumping water/milk/juice all over the apartment. Today at lunch they both decided to get in on the action. Then I take the stupid things and tell them each to go sit in the corner for time out. Well that would have worked if Emmie wasn’t a freaking monster who told me no all the time. I was already pissed. But it just made it worse. I wanted to spank. I refrained and instead took her bear away until night time.
So I guess tonight that is where is all came from. I told the husband when he got home I needed to leave. I was going to go to Starbucks for some time to myself. (I have a Starbucks coffee bag and they give you a free coffee when you finish it.) Chris told me he needed to stop at his friends house to pick up a phone really quick, get his pre ordered video game from Game Stop and then he would be home. I told him I was done at 3 today. He got off work at four and I expected him to be home around 5. Maybe 5:15. I also expected that since he should be home, he was going to figure out dinner.
Yea. It would have worked out like that if he hadn’t come home a SIX! I know it’s only 45 minutes but I needed out. I just couldn’t be around anymore. When I get like this, I feel trapped. It rained all day and was freezing out so I couldn’t do the walk I wanted to. We get into an argument before I leave and that that.
So here I sit in Starbucks, drinking a Latte and being beyond angry. I wish I could just breath things like this away. I don’t want to sit here and be some what irrationally angry. Because, while he doesn’t have a phone, I know one of his friends would have let him CALL me to let me know he was going to be late. Had I known that, I may have went and sat in my room for 10 minutes instead of waiting by the door ready to pounce.
I just want all this shit to stop. I want the crazy good and freaking gone from my life. I mean I am sure it will always be a little present. But don’t I deserve a break already.