Happy Birthday Little man. I couldn’t have asked for a better first born dude.

When I found out I was pregnant at 17, I had no clue what I was going to do. My husband and I weren’t sure how we were going to take care of a little monster of our own. I didn’t know how I was going to tell anyone. But my sister hugged me tight when I told her and she said to be me she supported whatever I wanted. I knew we would figure everything else out with our families supporting us.

I didn’t know what type of mother I would be because I was never one to dream of being a mom. I hadn’t ever thought about wanting kids of my own because I was wrapped up in how life was at that moment, typical teen.

When I was pregnant, my niece had just really finished with her cancer treatment. I loved her like she was my own child and I didn’t know how I could possibly love the baby inside me the same. But the first time I held him, it clicked. He was mine. I made this fat little baby in my arms. I created a life.

He wasn’t a fussy guy. He was just a sweet little love bug. And as he’s grown, I feel so proud of him. He’s the sweetest kid, well unless you happen to be his sister. I couldn’t even imagine someone else call out mom 6000 times a day. My little thomas loving, video game playing, doctor who fan who wants to build robots is growing up and I can’t wait to be here for all the years to come. I can’t wait to see the amazing young man I know he will grow to be.

I feel like this is a huge milestone. Like five is up there with turning 13,16, 18 and 21. My baby is going to be a kindergartner this year. He’s going to go to school and be my awesome little nerdy man.

Of course with 5 approaching, keeping the tears at bay has been difficult. When I look back at the five years since I became a mom, I’m always on the verge of crying. My baby, my first is getting so big. I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. His first laugh.

His first smile. The first time he stood up. The first time I got a full nights sleep.

His first time being adorable and singing the alphabet.

Probably one of my favorite quotes of all time that describes parenthood perfectly:

“The days are long, but the years are short.”― Gretchen Rubin

I can’t wait for the years ahead of us as my little man grows up. I know I will cherish each and everyone of them.

I always wondered how we death was going to be introduced to our kids. I remember having four grandparents die before I was 8 years old. The first funeral I attended, I remember messing around and trying to chase my sister around the grave site.

On Emmie’s first birthday, my last great grandparent and the one I was closest with, died. It was really rough for me considering the day it happened. The kids came to the funeral but pretty much stayed in the care with Chris. They didn’t know what was going on since they were so young.

My great grandma was the first someone I lost when I felt like an adult. Ever since then, I get practical thoughts about death. I’ve told Chris what I want, if I should ever die untimely. As the kids get older, I know that they will start to lose people and I have often wondered how to teach it to them.

My husband is spiritual/ religious while I am an atheist. We both believe that the monsters should go to church simply for the fact that they can learn some great morals(and if/when they choose they don’t want to continue going, that fine as well). I’ve also stated that they will not be taught all the things some churches believe to be immoral.

This past weekend, we went to my Brother-In-Law’s school. They have a cemetery out back that I wanted to walk through. I love looking at old grave stones but it also makes me feel like the person isn’t forgotten because someone cares to look still, even if it’s only momentarily.

Landon and Emmie chose to join me along with my in-laws and husband. They wanted to know what the stone were. We are always pretty upfront with our kids. I told Landon, since he asked, that people who died were under the stones and it’s where their families came so they could still see them. He understood pretty well.

At the same school function, Landon won fish for his sister and himself. He was so excited about winning. It was the thing he wanted to do most at the fair. The monsters named the fishies Phineas and Ferb. We told them right off that bat that these fish don’t generally last and die quickly. (Although, I found out this isn’t usually due to the fish, but improper tanks and care.)

Landon’s little guy died first. I didn’t know how he was going to take it. He was upset but we told him that we world get a real aquarium and more fish soon. The saddest part of it all, Landon said “Awww he’s napping mommy.” Yea…not so much. Emmie’s died about an hour later. She started bawling immediately. She has a love for all animals so I understand why it was so hard for her. She cried for a good 15 to 20 minutes but luckily was fine after that.

We didn’t have to deal with the “What happens when you die?” questions this time, which I’m thankful for. Chris and I have yet to discuss how we would handle the existence of Heaven. I know they don’t fully grasp how final something like death is, but hopefully this helps them to be less scared of it when it’s experienced again.

Have you kids had to experience death? Was it hard for them to understand?

Fall is my favorite season by far. I wish I could live in fall all year round. I love the rainy days. I love the changing leaves and all the baked deliciousness. I just adore the season. Fall is also the time when we seem to get out and do more than just the park. I think it’s because of all the festivals and community days that happen.

Recently, my brother in law’s school put on a fall family night. It was nice. It had been a while since I did the school fest thing and this one was different than others I’ve gone to. With my younger sister and brother’s school, they charged for tickets to do things. It was a way to raise money for the school. This one had most of the items donated and all of it was free with the exception of dinner I believe.

They had pumpkins to decorate, little ghost crafts that I will recreate for the blog in about a week, make your own caramel apples, games, bounce houses and a fun tractor ride.

Emmie loved the tractor ride and wanted to go on it again and again. Landon wanted to do the games. While we were only able to do one, he loved it. It was beer pong. Well without the beer and you won a fish for sinking a ball in the cups. He had a blast and won two fish. One for him and one for his sister. We’ve named them Phineas and Ferb.

The kids played on the play ground for a while and even struck a pose for me!

My favorite picture of the night though was a family picture my mother in law snapped of all of us. It’s rare that I’m able to get in the shot with everyone so it was a nice change of pace. I love it so much in fact that I’m going to get it printed and hang it up!

It was a really wonderful night and I can’t wait to do something just as fun next weekend!

How is your fall going? Are you doing a lot with the family?